Juvenile Illness
by Sherrri
Summary: AU. When Misa divorces him, Light begins obsessively stalking the man she'd been having an affair with, petulantly determined to make him suffer. However, he did not anticipate enjoying it so much. L x Light.
1. Introduction

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

A/N: Total AU. This story is vaguely inspired by the Dostoevsky novella _The Eternal Husband_, but don't look for any similarities because I haven't even finished reading it.

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Fashions in Illness

Introduction

Light was humiliated. How could she have done this to him? How could she have carried on an affair right under his nose all this time? How could _Misa_ have outwitted him?

Perhaps the time had passed for this anger. They had been divorced for two months, and their love had long expired, if it had ever been fresh to begin with. No, he wasn't jealous. He was merely offended.

He sat in the room they had shared, digging through an old box of love letters he'd found buried in the closet. They were all from the same person: a man who had signed them only with the letter L. There were no return addresses. The dates at the tops of the letters stretched over the past three years. Three years!

This had been going on longer than their marriage! Was she still seeing him? Had she left him for this man, and not had the decency to tell him? Light was fuming. He stomped over to the phone and dialed Misa's cell number. He took a few deep, calming breaths as it rang.

"Hello?" Said her shrill, high-pitched voice.

"Are you still seeing L?" Light demanded, not bothering with a greeting. Misa gasped, a cutesy little hiccup.

"How did you know about him?" She asked.

"I just found a box of his letters to you. This is really disgusting, you know that?" Light said.

"How dare you read my letters? Those are personal!"

"Indeed, they're very personal." Light said, and he began to read aloud the one in front of him. "…_Misa, I wish I could be there with you, inside you, feeling your hot, tight-_"

"Shut up!" Misa shouted. Light laughed bitterly.

"Was he the reason you left?"

"No. I'm not even with him anymore." Misa said coldly. Light rolled his eyes at her feeble denial.

"Don't be ridiculous. Why else would you have left?"

"If you must know, it's because you were a jerk, you treated me badly, you clearly had no respect for me whatsoever, and you're so fucking full of yourself! And I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I'm also not the dumbest, and Lawliet didn't treat me like I was!" Misa hung up the phone when her rant was over, and Light was a little surprised.

She had never said any of this during the divorce proceedings. Light had never even thought about her motives for leaving him, he'd only thought about how it would affect him. His esteem for her went up, but not by much. Still, he'd found out another thing he'd wanted to know.

L's name was Lawliet. Now he could track him down. Now he could get his revenge on the man who had helped Misa trick him, for he had no doubt in his mind that Misa hadn't deceived him on her own. This man must have told her what to do in order to avoid detection.

Light salvaged his ego by telling himself this. Misa had _not_ outsmarted him. He would decide how embarrassed he was when he met Lawliet and assessed his intelligence.

Light sighed and undressed for bed, then slipped in between the silk sheets. In the morning, he would find Lawliet, and he would make him pay.

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To probably be continued...

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A/N: Review and tell me if you want me to continue this story.


	2. Dead Souls

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

A/N: Hey, I'm actually writing it now! Hopefully updates will be more frequent in the future now that I've gotten started. This chapter is kind of slow, but it should get better next chapter.

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Chapter Two 

Dead Souls

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Light made his way across the street while the red hand flashed, his eyes never leaving the man who was walking on the sidewalk about ten meters ahead of him. It hadn't been as difficult as he'd expected to find L.

In fact, it was so easy that he was forced to conclude that Misa hadn't even been trying to hide her affair. He half suspected that the whole thing was merely a test she had implemented to see how much attention he paid her, which turned out not to be very much.

Early that morning, Light had searched the phone book and all of Misa's other letters to find some way of contacting L, only to be met with failure. In frustration, he had thrown the phone book across the room, arousing much audible disapproval from his downstairs neighbors.

The phonebook had landed on the floor next to his old laptop, which had given him the idea to visit Misa's Myspace page. There, to his surprise, he found that the majority of her comments were from L, whose only picture was of the letter 'L' written in a gothic font on a white background. His profile listed his current place of business.

Weirdly enough, L apparently worked at a nearby police station, the same place Light's father did. Light almost wished he was on better terms with said father, if only so he could call him up and get some inside information. However, they'd had a falling out about a year before and hadn't spoken to each other since. Still, at least Light had known where the building was, and that came in handy.

Light had been able to go to his work building and narrow it down to a handful of candidates from the men he'd seen entering said building. It wasn't a huge police station, so the pool of possible men had been fairly small.

He hadn't wanted to go inside and risk running into his father, so instead he ended up sitting at a table in front of the café across the street and surreptitiously watching the door.

Asking each of the employees if they were L wouldn't really fit in with his plans, vague though they were, so the only method he could think of was to pay attention each of them in turn until he heard someone say their names. He had already done this with two of them, who had taken a cigarette break together, and had called each other Matsuda and Aizawa.

He was presently following another one of these candidates on what he assumed was his lunch break. This man didn't give Light the impression of being a cop. He was younger than all of the other ones, perhaps close to Light's age, which would have made him the most obvious choice for Misa, except that he was not at all fashionable, with his scruffy hair and too-baggy clothes.

He was also pale and had bags under his eyes, which Misa normally found repulsive. Light really couldn't imagine someone like Misa wanting to be anywhere near him. Still, there was this quality about the man, something that drew eyes to him automatically even when he stood still. Light was interested. He kind of hoped this was L, even if it seemed unlikely.

Light followed the man until he entered a candy shop on his left. At this point, Light thought it would be a bit suspicious if he went inside, as there probably weren't enough people in there for him to blend in, so he kept walking until he was at the entrance to the next shop and then leaned against the wall casually.

A few minutes later, the man left the shop, carrying a large paper bag. Light immediately began to follow him, a little too closely perhaps, as he was unable to stop in time when the man stopped and turned around abruptly, thus causing a minor pedestrian accident. The two of them collided, almost causing the man to drop his bag.

"Oh, sorry." The man said before quickly reentering the candy shop and coming back out again with a second bag, all before Light had time to move. As the man left the shop for the second time, Light heard a good-natured voice shout out from inside.

"No problem, L! You're our favorite customer!" It said with a laugh. Light felt a strange feeling well up within him as he watched L brush past him and walk away. Well, he'd found him. He didn't feel the triumph he'd expected after all the effort he'd put into his search. Instead, he felt strangely lonely.

This feeling intensified sharply, exponentially, until he shook his head and forced it down again, where it continued to simmer under the surface. Although he'd suspected that this man might be L, and knew that Misa had slept with L, he hadn't thought about it much before he had a face to put with the letter.

Now, images flashed through his mind beyond his control; the two of them in bed together, that freak touching his wife, and Misa liking it, and the two of them being, for that brief amount of time, completely apathetic to Light's existence.

Light stood on the sidewalk motionlessly, gazing in the direction that L had gone, for a few minutes before he decided he'd had enough for the day and wanted to go home.

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L returned from his lunch break and dumped his fresh candy into his desk drawer, where it would be easy to reach while he was working. He had almost forgotten some of it at the store, which rather alarmed him because it suggested a level of absentmindedness on his part that he hadn't thought possible. He prided himself on his mental acuity, which happened to be necessary for his job.

He was formerly a private investigator by trade, but had recently begun detective work for the police department instead.

The pay wasn't as good, but he found the work more rewarding. He'd decided that catching criminals was more beneficial to society than spending his time stalking suspected adulterers or tracking down long-lost relatives.

He wasn't trying to be self-righteous with his career move, he had simply been thinking a lot about death recently. Thoughts of death usually had the effect of making him worry about his life's overall impact on the world. Perhaps he was depressed. Anyway, he had needed a change.

The phone on L's desk rang, which always startled him, but not enough for anyone else to notice. He answered it with his right hand while opening candy with his left, and was surprised to hear Misa's voice. They still kept in touch via the Internet, but she hadn't called him since they had stopped seeing each other.

"Hi L! It's Misa!" She sounded as if she was really excited to be Misa.

"Hello Misa. What is the occasion?" L said before carefully placing a jellybean in his mouth.

"Well, the thing is…while you and I were together, I was actually married." She said in a guilty sort of tone. L was not surprised. Catching adulterers had been his specialty for a good long time, and he had recognized the signs when he'd seen them.

"Hmm. I suppose you have a reason for telling me this now?" He said as he ate another jellybean.

"Yeah, well, I'm divorced now, and I accidentally left all your old love letters behind at his house, and he found them…" Misa said. L frowned. How embarrassing. Those were definitely not meant for anyone else to see them. In fact, looking back, it had been ridiculous to trust them to Misa, or anyone really, in the first place.

He supposed he'd been in love at the time, or something like that. It was amazing how it had impaired his judgment.

"Is that all?" L finally asked.

"Yeah, I just thought you should know. For some reason." Misa said.

"Fair enough." L replied, and hung up. It hardly mattered that Misa had been married, or that Misa's ex-husband had read his letters. It wasn't like L was ever going to meet him or anything.

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A/N: By the way, I know nothing about police departments and detective work, so don't expect any accuracy on that front. I suppose I could do research, but...nah. Reviews would be lovely.


	3. Unceasing By Night Or Day

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this so far! I apologize for the delay. You might want to start over if you read the first two chapters way back when they were posted, unless of course you have an awesome memory, in which case I envy you.

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Chapter Three

Unceasing by Night or Day

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Light spent the next morning sitting in the café across the street from the police station, waiting for L to walk by. He wasn't sure why he hadn't yet confronted the man about his affair, except that he was quite content to sit and wait until he'd thought of a suitable way to do so.

The waitress kept refilling his coffee as he drank it, and it was a pleasantly cool summer morning; Light was in no hurry. He tensed up when he saw L's messy black hair in the crowd, and had to remind himself to relax and be casual lest he arouse suspicion.

L walked past in his hunched-over way, and Light wondered what on earth this man had that Light didn't.

He didn't believe for a second that Misa's explanation was the real one. She didn't care if people thought she was stupid; if she did, then she wouldn't act that way. There was something else going on, and Light was going to find out what it was.

There was really no good reason for Light to spend the whole day sitting in front of the building, as L would be working anyway, so he decided to leave and come back later.

He went back to his house and threw himself gracefully onto his bed, glancing around the room. It had been a while since Misa had left him, but his room still seemed depressingly empty. Light was a very neat person, and nearly all of the clutter he'd grown used to had been composed of Misa's things.

She would throw her clothes and shoes on the floor and leave his DVDs lying around out of their cases, or else in the wrong ones. She somehow had always managed to spill water on the kitchen floor and bathroom counter and every other tiled surface, and never wiped it up. Her vapid fashion magazines had littered the tables and chairs. It had nearly driven him mad.

How bizarre that he would miss it now. He felt like he was living with her ghost somehow, like her absence was a tangible thing hovering around his house. He reminded himself that he didn't love her and that everything about her had come to annoy him by the end of their marriage, but that didn't change the fact that his home didn't feel right without another human presence in it.

It wasn't just his home either. His whole life felt empty. He had no job and no friends; he had hardly ever left the house since Misa had stopped forcing him to.

When she had made him take her out all the time, the only thing he could think about was how great it would be to have more time to himself. Now it was all he had, and he'd already gotten bored of it.

The most interesting thing he'd done recently was track down L. That had given him some mental stimulation, and he wasn't quite ready to let go of it yet. The situation made Light angry, but it was his only connection to the outside world and other people. God, he was pathetic.

As he pondered the sad state of his life, the phone rang and he got up to answer it. It was Misa.

"Hello, Light!" Misa exclaimed.

"Hi," he responded dully.

"Are you in love with me?" She asked out of nowhere.

"What? No!" Light said quickly, alarmed by the question.

"Well, since you're not in love with me or anything, you really have no reason to be mad about L, so could I maybe come over and get my letters back?" She asked.

"What? I have every reason to be mad about you lying and cheating on me, regardless of how I feel about you now!" Light shouted indignantly.

"Yeah, well…sorry about that. Can I have my letters back now?" Since when did Misa have an attitude? Light was thrown off by her dismissive tone. It was disturbing. She really didn't care about him at all anymore. Had she ever cared about him? Had he ever cared whether she cared until now?

"...I don't think so," he said, mostly because he didn't want to see her and certainly not because he wanted to keep the letters, brilliant and poetic though they were. Light blinked and wondered when he'd made that positive judgment of L's writing.

"Why not?" Misa asked, suddenly sounding angry. At least there was some emotion in her voice now, Light thought.

"You betrayed me," he said, not wanting to admit to any of his vague reasons.

"Oh, grow up, it had nothing to do with you! You're such a whiny, spoiled bitch!" Misa shouted furiously and then hung up the phone. Light sat there holding the phone for a while. Of course he knew that Misa's affair had nothing to do with him. That was the problem. He was left out. He shook his head violently. What was wrong with him? Nothing, he was fine.

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That evening, Light waited in the café again with the intention of finding out where L lived. He saw L come out of the building and took off after him.

The sidewalks were nearly empty at this hour, so it was much more of a challenge to avoid detection this time. He had spent a few hours of his day researching techniques for following someone without being spotted, and had learned the optimal distance to walk behind L in many situations.

Eventually, L entered an apartment complex, never once glancing back. Light lingered in the doorway of the building, and from his position he could see the wall of resident mailboxes. He noted the number on the one L checked and left before the other man turned around. Now he knew L's room number. He could go up and talk to him at any time.

But he didn't. Instead, he went inside and found out what floor and what side of the building L's room was on, and was delighted to find that there was a hotel across the street from which he could see his enemy's window.

Within the hour, he had checked into a hotel room that was directly across from L's apartment, and he had brought his telescope from home and set it up in the window.

He was well aware that this was extremely creepy, but he didn't care. He was too involved in the study of his enemy to care.

He didn't stop to wonder why he was going to so much trouble instead of just confronting the man or getting his revenge as he'd originally planned. All he knew was that he wasn't ready to step out of the shadows just yet.

He wasn't ready for the whole thing to be over yet, after which he would end up returning to his empty house and being bored to death.

Maybe in a day or two, when he knew more about L, or when he'd figured out what he wanted to say or do, he would go ahead and end this. There was no reason to be hasty; he'd found L and could now act at any time. He was in control of the situation.

L's curtains were closed, which was mildly disappointing, but Light could wait. He could keep the hotel room for as long as he needed. It was being paid for with his mother's money, just like everything else he had ever bought. His mother was an extraordinarily wealthy woman, and Light gave new meaning to the label '_spoiled brat_'.

His parents were divorced, and Light had taken his mother's side for purely material reasons. She was the CEO of a gigantic corporation, raking in a ridiculous, obscene amount of money every year. If she saw a hundred dollar bill lying on the ground, it would not be worth her time to pick it up. Light had never had a job in his life, and hopefully never would, as far as he was concerned.

He sat on the hotel bed, looking out his window at the apartments opposite. Only a few of them had their curtains open. In one of them, he saw a group of people eating dinner, but the rest were empty.

He sighed and leaned back on his hands, but then his eyes caught the motion of L's curtains opening and he perked up. Making sure the telescope would not be too obvious from L's point of view, he knelt behind it and focused it on the other man's apartment.

L was walking away from the window and sat down on a couch in front of the TV. Light could tell he was sitting in a weird way, with his knees tucked up to his chest, as he ate something out of a bowl.

He was wearing a white shirt and baggy jeans, the same thing he had been earlier that day and the day before. Light wrinkled up his nose. Misa couldn't possibly approve of such slovenly disregard for personal appearance and hygiene.

He just didn't understand how this could be the same guy who had written those letters. Still, Light couldn't deny that he had a certain presence. Something about the way he moved made it difficult for Light to look away. So he didn't.

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That evening found L alone, eating sugary cereal for dinner and watching television. He had spent the whole day messing with annoying paperwork instead of doing anything meaningful, and then Mr. Yagami had lectured him for doing it wrong. The man hated him, he was sure of it.

He often made mean-spirited jokes at L's expense, but he was the boss and L just had to take it. He was beginning to rethink his career change. Perhaps he was better off as a private detective working for himself.

When he finished his cereal, he put the bowl in the kitchen and went to bed, never noticing the lens poking through the curtains across the street.

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A/N: Reviews make the world go 'round, and the fics also. That means I want you to review, just so you know.


	4. The Eyes that Burn

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

A/N: Yes, I am late yet again. Not cool of me. Sorry.

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Chapter Four

The Eyes That Burn

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Light blinked wearily and looked around, realizing that he had fallen asleep in the hotel room. It was early morning and faint light was beginning to stream through the narrow gap in the curtains. He got up and looked through his telescope quickly. L was there, sitting at his kitchen counter sipping something, presumably coffee.

He was wearing the same sort of jeans as the night before, but he was shirtless, and his shoulder blades protruded so much that Light could have seen them without the telescope, but his skin was so pale that it would have been hard to tell whether he was wearing a shirt or not.

Light looked at the clock and saw that it almost five. Did L always get up this early? He didn't have to go to work until nine. Light hated people who got up too early. There was something suspicious about it in his mind. What did they do with all that extra time? Well, he supposed he would be finding out shortly.

He watched as L got up, carrying his coffee, but was not expecting him to walk straight to the window and look out in his direction. Light immediately stumbled backwards, pulling the telescope with him and hiding behind the curtains, but it was a little too late. L had spotted him briefly, and when Light peeked around the curtain, the other man was still staring in his direction with a slight frown on his face. Light ducked back behind it, his heart pounding inexplicably.

He didn't know whether L had actually seen his face or not, or had realized that the telescope was pointing into his apartment, but Light's panicked fumbling couldn't have helped matters. He waited a minute before he looked around the curtain again, and was relieved that L had gone back to the kitchen counter.

He probably shouldn't use the telescope anymore this morning anyway. He pulled the curtains closed slowly and lay back down on the bed. Normal people didn't wake up at this hour, and he needed more sleep. He would resume his information gathering (he was reluctant to use the term _stalking_ just yet, even though he knew that was what it was) later.

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L was fairly certain it wasn't just paranoia that had him looking around every couple of minutes for the elusive source of his feeling of being watched. That morning, he thought he'd seen someone watching him through the window of the hotel across the street. He didn't know if this had anything to do with the creepy feeling he'd had for the past few days, as it was most likely just a random person who was staying there for the night and happened to glance out at the same time he did, but his intuition told him that there was a connection.

He was presently making his daily trip to the candy store around the corner from his work, and he had never needed something sweet more than he did today. Soichiro had been lecturing and berating him all day for little, stupid things that didn't even matter, leaving L stressed and embarrassed.

He suspected that his boss was going through some personal problems lately, as he hadn't always been this much of an ass, but L didn't think the man would appreciate being asked about them. He could only hope that Soichiro would get over them soon, and if he didn't, then L might just quit and reopen his private practice.

L rounded the corner and stopped in front of the door to the candy store. He stared unblinkingly for a few seconds at the sign on the door before its words sunk in. The store was closed. Why would it be closed? How could this happen? He stood there in outraged disbelief for several minutes, ignoring the minor pedestrian traffic jam he was causing, until someone told him that the store had been audited by the IRS. Wonderful. Candy stores, establishments made of dreams and sugar, the last purely good things left in this world, were cheating on their taxes.

L sighed and turned to leave, but then one of the passersby caught his eye. A young man, probably around L's age, walked past with a nonchalance that looked fake to L. The man had been looking at him a moment before, but that fact alone was hardly remarkable, as many people on the sidewalk he was blocking were looking at him to see what the obstruction was.

What was strange was the fact that L was sure he'd seen the man somewhere before. His auburn hair and handsome face, twisted into a haughty expression, looked extremely familiar. Also, the way the man had been looking at him was different from everyone else. His face had displayed not curiosity or impatience, but an attentiveness that hardly suited the situation.

It had only lasted for a few seconds before the man looked away and continued pushing through the crowd, but it was disconcerting just the same. L turned around to watch the man's retreating back, only to find him leaning against a nearby wall, looking at him again. It sent a shiver down L's spine and he looked away immediately, making his way back to work and forgetting about his lack of candy until he was already back at the police station.

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Light had to be more careful. L had noticed him twice in one day. Now that he'd been noticed, he could no longer blend into the crowd the way he could before. He could not allow L to see him at all, because he would not be overlooked. This would be much more difficult. He refused to give up watching the man, though.

That evening, he went up to his hotel room and chanced a glance through his telescope, just to see if L would notice it. If he did, then Light would just have to find some more subtle way of watching him. Oddly enough, L didn't seem to notice. The man seemed tired. He was sitting on his sofa, his knees pulled up to his chest, and staring at the floor with half-lidded eyes.

Light watched as L stayed in that position without moving for at least thirty minutes. L was such a weirdo. How had Misa ended up with him? There was absolutely nothing attractive about his bad posture, or his pale skin, or his fluffy hair, or his delicate fingers that held things so gently, or the way he moved so slowly and carefully, like a newborn deer taking its first steps. Weird. Not attractive.

Eventually, Light sighed and let himself fall backward onto the firm hotel bed. He glanced at the clock and couldn't believe he had just watched L do nothing for two hours. What did that say about Light? He hadn't even noticed the time passing.

It hadn't seemed at all boring while he was doing it, but in retrospect his fascination with the man was not something he could explain to himself. Unfortunately, he also couldn't help it. He lay on the bed for ten minutes of introspection before the traitorous thought crept into his mind:

_I wonder what L is doing now…_.

He shook his head violently. L was probably still sitting there like a statue. There was certainly no reason to get up and look. He needed to get a grip on himself and go home or something. The bed squeaked as Light rolled to the other side and stood up with the intention of doing so before he could change his mind, but he paused with his hand on the doorknob, picturing himself sitting in his empty house alone, eating takeout and wondering what Misa and L are doing.

He frowned and turned on his heel, walking straight back to the telescope and peering into L's apartment once more.

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There was a strip club between L's apartment and the police station. It was one of the few in the city that served alcohol, which other establishments avoided due to the increased cases of sexual harassment and assault that it tended to bring with it. It was open all day, and sad, pathetic people would go there in the early afternoon and drink for hours, staring blankly at the unremarkable strippers. Today, Light was one of those people.

It had been two weeks since that evening in the hotel room when he'd realized he had a problem when it came to L. He couldn't seem to stop watching the strange man. Every day he tried and failed again.

He had woken up that morning firmly resolute that he would not be creepily stalking L today. Then he had just so happened to decide to get coffee at the place across the street from L's work, and had left to do so immediately after L left his apartment, and his eyes had just so happened to be drawn to the scruffy creature in front of him until they arrived.

When L was at work during the day, Light never knew what to do with himself. He had thought multiple times about going inside, perhaps making peace with his father as an excuse for being there, but he managed to restrain himself, feeling that he was standing on the precipice, and that would be the step that would send him tumbling over the edge into the abyss of insanity, never to return to a normal life again.

And so he wandered around instead, looking for something to do, and a few days ago had entered the strip club. This wasn't a nice strip club. It had none of the glamour that they all seemed to have in every show or movie ever to have a strip club scene. It was too real.

The women had no fake smiles plastered on their faces, no fake body parts. One was rather chubby, another bony with wide hips and a short torso. They took off their clothes with minimal dancing, no unnecessary flourishes, and stared out at the small daytime audience with blank faces and depressing, hollow eyes. The men watching didn't notice, not looking at their faces, but their own eyes were just as empty. These people were stuck.

It made Light feel better about himself, knowing that he didn't belong in this place, that no amount of obsessive stalking could turn him into one of these working class hollow people, struggling to get through another day.

Even as he thought this, though, he was slamming down drinks like there was no tomorrow, staring at the sad strippers, trying to get L off his mind. By the time six o'clock rolled around, he was struggling to walk straight.

He stumbled out of the club and ran straight into L on his way back from work. L blinked and bit his thumb, looking thoughtful. Light didn't register for a moment that L was paying attention to him, as he was so used to their one-sided relationship that he felt he must be invisible to the other man. However, he couldn't stay deluded any longer when L spoke to him.

"You've been following me." L said, his voice conveying no emotion. Light, in his drunken state, staggered backward as if he'd been hit.

"I haven't!" he exclaimed loudly. L sighed.

"Why have you been following me?" he asked.

"You…how dare you! Accusing me of that? After you slept with my wife!" Light slurred, having trouble expressing himself. L furrowed his eyebrows.

"Misa Amane?" he asked. Light nodded, lightly shoving L's shoulder. L stared at him pityingly.

"Maybe we should talk…" L said.

"I don't wanna talk to you!" Light said. L ignored this and grabbed him by the upper arm and started walking, leading the other man back to his apartment building. Light did not protest further, and soon they were both in L's kitchen and L was making coffee.

"While I understand why you would be angry at me, I do not understand what you are doing, or why you feel the need to follow me," L said. Light shook his head, standing up and suddenly lunging to grab L's hand. Startled, L tried to yank his arm out of Light's grip, but was unable to. Light pulled L a bit closer to him and, to L's extreme surprise, abruptly pulled the captive hand up to his mouth and kissed it.

"You don't understand! You…this is what you are to me now!" Light said, kissing the hand again before letting go of it and stumbling backwards. Before L could respond, Light was out the door.

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A/N: Review if you want to make me happy (or even if you don't care about me at all, which is likely.)


	5. The Captive Mind

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

A/N: Working on it...someday this will be finished, I promise.

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Chapter Five

The Captive Mind 

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Light awoke in his hotel room the next morning, still wearing his clothes and shoes from the night before. He had a throbbing headache complete with a periodic shooting pain in each of his temples, as if his bare nerves were being scraped by a dental tool.

In the back of his mind, he knew he should be humiliated because of something that had happened the night before, but he avoided thinking about it because thinking was hurting his brain.

Eventually, he stood up carefully and went to the bathroom to get some water and aspirin, making sure not to move his head too much along the way.

He downed three glasses of water before returning to bed and lying down, sickened by the feeling of cold water sloshing in his otherwise empty stomach. Gradually, the headache became tolerable, but this only allowed him to reflect on the night before, and he wasn't sure which was worse.

So, L knew that his ex-lover's ex-husband was following him for no explicable reason. And Light had kissed his hand, also for no explicable reason. What was that all about?

He remembered the words he had spoken to L, as well as the feeling of L's hand against his mouth, and he knew that he could not blame his behavior entirely on alcohol.

There was something wrong with him. Something in his brain had snapped. He should get help. He should see a psychiatrist; he could afford a really good one.

But he wouldn't, and he knew he wouldn't. Sure, he could go and get cured, develop a healthy outlook on life, and go back home to be normal, but what then? How would he spend his days without L? Without anyone?

He sighed. He was an attractive, wealthy young man. If he was lonely, he ought to be able to go out and meet someone. There was no reason why he couldn't.

However, he doubted he would ever meet anyone as interesting as L. He wondered what would happen if he tried to keep watching L. Would he get a restraining order? L did work at a police station; if he decided he didn't like Light's stalking, he could easily put a stop to it.

Light sat up gingerly and went to his telescope in the window. L was at the kitchen counter, shirtless, like he always was in the morning. And Light continued to watch him, just like he always did in the morning.

.

.

.

As was Light's usual habit, he left a little bit before L and walked down to the café that sat across the street from the police station, partly so he could watch the other man enter the building and partly because he really, really needed coffee.

When L eventually showed up, Light was only a little bit surprised to see the man change course when he caught sight of his stalker, crossing the street and coming to sit at Light's table with him.

"Still following me, I see." L stated. Light nodded, seeing no point in denying it.

"Should I be arranging for a restraining order?" L asked. Light shrugged.

"If you want. I probably won't hurt you, though."

"Probably?" L raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"Probably." Light confirmed coolly.

"I still have not deduced your purpose in this. Last night you mentioned my relationship with your ex-wife as a motivating factor, but by her account, you never seemed to feel the sort of possessiveness toward her that would explain the present situation. Even if you had, it would still not explain your behavior last night." L said monotonously.

Light's only response was crossed arms and a shrug, during which he avoided eye contact with his obsession, hoping his unresponsiveness would annoy the other man enough to force some emotion into his voice. It didn't work.

L bit his thumb and stared at Light for a long moment without blinking, then shrugged and turned around, crossing the street carefully and going to work, the one place where Light wouldn't follow. Or so he thought, anyway.

Light watched him go before gulping down his remaining coffee.

For some reason, reconciling with his father just for the excuse to get closer to L didn't sound completely crazy anymore all of a sudden. As he entered the building, he considered the risks involved in this plot. If L happened to mention to Light's father that Light was stalking him, it would be pretty embarrassing. Also, stalking and threatening someone inside a police station was a rather bold move.

However, the idea of the risks merely floated across the top of Light's conscious mind, not really making any impact. He was too focused on the idea of being able to see L anytime he liked and know what he did all day while Light was wandering around listlessly.

Did L have friends at work? Did he enjoy his job? There was an entire dimension of L's existence that Light knew nothing about. The very thought drove him crazy! No, not crazy, just curious. There was nothing wrong with him. He just needed his vengeance, and then he would leave L alone.

He approached the front desk, where a blonde woman sat and flipped through a folder. She looked up when Light approached.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, is Mr. Yagami in?" Light asked. She nodded.

"He should be in his office," she said, pointing to the office directory on the wall. Light nodded, glanced at the directory, and went up the stairs to his father's office, where he knocked on the door.

"Come in!" His father's voice said. Light did so. His father glanced up from his desk and did a double take upon seeing his estranged son.

"Light! What are you doing here?" He asked.

"Um, I…" Light hadn't thought this far ahead, and he hated being sentimental and expressing remorse for anything, but he supposed it couldn't be avoided in this situation.

"I came to see you because I'm sorry for choosing Mother over you and I've missed you," he said quickly to get it over with. Soichiro's eyes glistened and Light resisted the urge to roll his own.

"I've missed you too, son. It wasn't your fault! No child should be put in the position of having to choose between his parents." He said, standing up and pulling Light into a bear hug before Light could think of a way to avoid it.

"I wasn't a child," Light groused into Soichiro's shoulder. Honestly, the man had become so melodramatic and sensitive since the divorce proceedings began that Light probably would have chosen his mother even without the economic factor.

"Of course you weren't," Soichiro said before releasing him, "so…it's been so long! How have you been?"

"Fine. How about you?" Light replied.

"Fine. How are things with Misa?"

"Oh, um…we're not together anymore."

"You got a divorce? When did that happen?"

"A while ago," Light said. An awkward beat passed as they stood in silence, Soichiro staring at Light and Light staring at his shoes. Light was relieved when someone knocked on the door. It opened before Soichiro answered.

"Mr. Yagami?" A quiet, humble voice asked, and Light whipped his head around to see L in the doorway with a stack of papers. L noticed him at the same time and froze, eyes wide, at seeing his stalker in his boss's office.

Light wondered if L would mention anything to Soichiro. It wasn't as if their conversation could become any more awkward. In fact, he almost hoped he would, just so that Light could bring up the part L had played in the divorce. His father would probably take his side if he brought up the vengeance angle, considering his own bitter divorce and the fact that he loved Light more than life itself. When he thought about it, it had been cruel to deny the man his glorious presence all this time.

Light smirked, knowing that the same thoughts, or some of them, anyway, were running through L's head.

"Well, I'd better let you get back to work. Bye, Father, I'll come back tomorrow!" Light said, leaving the room before his father could ask him to stay longer. He had decided he would go back to his hotel and wait until the next day before coming back. It was important that his father think he was sincere.

.

.

L's mind was reeling from this new information, almost to the point where he didn't flinch when Mr. Yagami shouted at him for interrupting and then for doing his paperwork wrong. He had slept with his boss's daughter-in-law. Was that the reason he hated him?

He didn't dare ask, just in case it wasn't. Was Yagami's son planning to do something to him?

This whole situation had just become a lot more complicated, it seemed. L did his work mechanically for the rest of the day, lost in thought.

When he returned to his apartment that evening, he was feeling extremely paranoid, but didn't see anyone following him. He locked the door behind him and relaxed a bit. Misa's ex-husband wasn't going to hurt him. He sighed and went about his evening ritual as usual.

.

.

Light watched through his telescope as L arrived home from work. He seemed stressed. Obviously, Light was starting to get under his skin. And speaking of skin, L had taken off his shirt as he always did when he got home and was preparing sugary cereal in the kitchen.

Light wasn't bothering to hide his telescope anymore, so he wasn't surprised when L happened to glance up and notice him. Light waved.

He might as well let L know for certain what he was doing. Surprisingly, L didn't seem perturbed by it. He simply picked up his cereal bowl and sat on the couch by the window like he always did in the evenings. Light became frustrated when he realized the other man was ignoring him.

Honestly, what did he have to do to affect L?

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A/N: I really like reviews and the people who leave them. They are so badass.


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